Cracked
by Keliandra
Summary: Love at first sight is something that only happens in stories. It isn't real and it certainly doesn't happen to Kimberly Shepard. Besides it is only one night in a large galaxy, the chance of ever running in to him again is remote at best. A minor indulgence, just once, can't do any harm. Or can it? -Set during the Mass Effect series. Canon divergence. Not a retelling of the games
1. Chapter 1

She stuffed her hands in her pockets and ducked her head down, hoping just once that she could make it back to her room without being noticed. It was a futile attempt on a station full of alliance personnel who, had no doubt seen the many extranet reports that they insisted on repeating at regular intervals. Soft and not so soft whispers reached her ears as she traversed the busy corridor.

"Hey, isn't that Commander Shepard?" followed by, "Isn't that the Hero of the Blitz?" Along with a number of other similar comments. At least no one stopped her this time, allowing her to make it to the safety of her temporary quarters. She suspected her quarters were larger than some, only the best for Commander Shepard right?

She let out a soft sigh as she moved into the washroom. Activating the sink, she splashed cool water over her face and peered at the reflection that was staring back at her. The dark rings under her eyes were the result of too many nights filled with nightmares. The Blitz may have appeared to be a win to some but, all she saw when she closed her eyes were the faces of those who didn't make it. She remembered the fear that gripped her as she fought like hell to keep the rest alive. She remembered the faces of those killed by her hands because they had gotten caught up with the wrong group. That was how terrorist groups operated, recruiting anyone looking for a pay cheque. That often included those far too young to truly understand what they were getting themselves in for. Those used as cannon fodder to keep the leaders alive for a little longer.

After drying her face Kimberly stepped back into the main living area of her room. A sense of emptiness washed over her as she glanced at the vacant bed. Being a soldier, one of the many downfalls was the lack of companionship. On assignment regs prevented fraternization and she was never on leave long enough to start anything meaningful. Even if she was, long distance wasn't an option many were willing to take. That combined with the fact that now, everywhere she went she was recognised, it either bought out the crazy fans or meant that people were too intimidated to approach her.

She was tired of slipping in to a cold empty bed every night, only to have that sleep interrupted by nightmares that were never ending. She was tired of having to _be_ Commander Shepard whenever she was out because, that's what was expected of her. Slowly a plan started to form in her mind. Just for one night before she was due to report to her new assignment on the Normandy, she would be Kimberly. Commander Shepard could stay behind, assuming her idea's worked.

It took some time for her to put the plan in motion but, two hours later she was staring at a reflection in the mirror that even she almost didn't recognise. Her usual black locks of hair hung about her shoulders in blonde waves. The face that she almost never had time to apply makeup to was neatly made up with dark tones, including dark lipstick that covered her too light, pink lips. In place of her BDU's she had slipped on a white tank top that held a small N7 logo just above her right breast and a pair blue jeans. Casual without going over the top and far enough away from her regular uniform that she felt just like any other officer or civilian.

After giving herself a satisfied nod, she slipped back out into the corridor. As she passed several groups who were standing around conversing, there wasn't a single whisper of recognition. Like most stations Arcturus had a bar for soldiers to unwind during their downtime. The one thing that could be counted on was a bar being full of people during the nighttime hours, the perfect place for someone who didn't want to be alone.

The sounds of music, talking and laughter reached her ears as she neared the bar. Overall the atmosphere as she entered the dimly lit establishment was relaxed, it was exactly what she needed. The tension began to ease from her body as she scanned the scene around the room. Soldiers and friends were gathered at tables drinking and enjoying the company. The dance floor was littered with people dancing, some who were rather good at it and others not so. They were probably too drunk to notice the difference.

She sat herself down on a vacant stool at the counter, finding herself positioned between two alliance officers dressed in BDU's. One was a younger male who couldn't have been much more than a rookie recruit. She remembered those days, the excitement of signing up, the harsh but fair training and then going in her first mission. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It had always been assumed that she would follow in her parents footsteps and until more recent times it wasn't a decision she had ever really questioned.

On the other side was another officer who looked closer to her own age. His dark hair was still damp on top of his head from a recent shower, the deep brown eyes that briefly glanced her way when she sat down held the wisdom of someone who had seen things. As he shifted in his chair, the spicy scent of aftershave reached her nose. Even with the smooth, recently shaven skin around his face, he held that ruggedly handsome look that she was willing to bet had been the source of more than one shipboard crush.

Thankfully the bartender distracted her train of thought. She realised she had been staring at the brown eyed man for a little longer than was appropriate and he was looking back at her.

"What can I get for you?" the bartender asked. Successfully diverting her attention and her eyes back to the counter.

"I'll take a glass of your best Canadian red," she responded as she looked at the young man behind the bar.

He had an easy smile that suggested he enjoyed what he did. "A fine choice," the bartender added before moving on to take a couple more orders and then setting about making the drinks.

Kimberly tucked a stray lock of blonde hair back behind her ear as she carefully kept her attention on the selection of bottles lining the wall. When the bartender returned with a drink her mind was distracted, absently she reached for the glass. Her fingers connected with another set of warm fingers, biotics intermingled sending a shockwave up her arm.

Drawn back to the present she pulled her hand back quickly as her eyes snapped to the source of the other hand. She found herself looking into the brown eyed man's amused eyes. "I believe that is my drink," she said with a slight hint of annoyance, still trying to wrap her head around the strength behind the biotic shock.

"Umm actually, I placed the exact same order just a moment before you arrived." The tone of his voice matched the amusement still dancing across his features. He nodded in the direction of the bartender who was headed back towards them, "I believe that's yours on the way now."

"Sorry, I guess I was distracted," she said sincerely. As the bartender arrived with her drink she was quick to raise it to her lips. It was an attempt to cover the heat she could feel rising to her cheeks. She could only hope that the makeup she applied earlier was enough to cover the worst of her embarrassment from anyone else's view.

"You do look like someone with a lot on her mind," he said quietly. "Unless those bottles behind the bar really are a source of interest."

A soft sigh passed her lips. "That obvious huh?"

"I have been known to listen from time to time if you would like someone to talk to," he responded.

"That is a sweet offer but, unfortunately most of what I know is classified," she said wistfully.

"Alright, then how about a few drinks, some company and no talk about work related topics?" he asked. The hopeful expression in those brown eyes was impossible to resist.

She felt a smile tugging at the corner of her lips that she couldn't stop. She had gone to the bar because she didn't want to spend all night in a lonely room but, she hadn't gone there intending to pick up some stranger. There was just something about him that was impossible to say no to. "Do you have a name?" she asked curiously. "Just first names," she added as an afterthought.

"Kaidan," he responded. "And yours?"

"Kim and if you promise no work talk, then I would love to join you," she found herself saying.

"There is a table just over there," he started as he motioned to a table on the far side, "I've been eyeing it off for a while because it appears to be a good distance from the loud music."

"I take it you're not a fan of loud music then?" she asked as she picked up her glass of wine and began following him over to the table.

"Only when I am dancing but it does make conversation difficult," he answered smoothly.

"Ahh huh so you do like dancing then?" She asked as they reached the table.

"With the right company I can be persuaded to," he responded with a slight raise of his eyebrows.

Kimberly sat down on the chair beside his as she locked her eyes with his warm brown ones. "So do you think I could persuade you to dance with me at some point this evening?" she asked with a sultry tone.

She had no idea what she was doing on an alliance station flirting with someone who was obviously another officer. Not that it was forbidden, so long as they didn't work with each other but, it was certainly something she would normally avoid.

His head moved in a little closer to hers, "I would say there is a very good chance that I could be persuaded." She felt her heart skip as an easy smile crossed his features.

Dammit, what was wrong with her? She was around soldiers constantly and no matter how much they flirted with her she had always been immune to their charms. The problem with Kaidan was the fact that he didn't really seem like he was trying to flirt with her, he was simply being _nice_. There was something endearing about that, which made it worse.

There was only one explanation he could think of, the evening had to be a dream that he would wake up from at any moment. She was Commander Shepard and she was _flirting_ with him. It had been fairly obvious from the hair and makeup that she was trying to fly under the radar but, that voice, he would know her voice anywhere.

As soon as she had sat down and ordered her drink he had known it was her. He had seen every interview, every scrap of footage and heard everyone of her non-classified reports. Ever since he had first seen her on the extranet he had been intrigued by the infamous Commander. He had even wondered more than once if perhaps he had a little crush on her, especially when he would turn up the volume any time she made an appearance.

As soon as he heard she was to be the xo for the Normandy's shakedown cruise, he had been even more excited about the assignment. Finally he would get to work with her, to see her in action, even if it was only for a short easy mission.

Kaidan had never expected to find himself sitting side by side with her at a bar counter, ordering the exact same wine. The moment he looked into her deep blue eyes for the first time, in person, he was lost in them and her. They had a depth that went beyond what was on the surface, her eyes held a mystery that he wanted to unravel.

"So you don't mind dancing, you like quiet conversations and you have exceptional taste in wine, what else are you hiding in there Kaidan?" she asked in a low tone.

Kaidan chuckled. "I think you may have already discovered my best qualities."

"I find that difficult to believe," she responded. "Although if you tell me you also enjoy cooking I may just have to marry you."

The smile she flashed him was so incredibly sexy that he had to swallow before he could speak. "Well actually.." he started as a low moan escaped her. He could see her eyes drop to his lips, _that_ wasn't his imagination. He was in a whole world of trouble. It was too late now to tell her that he knew who she was, it was too late to inform her that in a couple of days they would be working together. All he could do was tread very carefully and make sure the night didn't go beyond harmless flirting.

"You cook as well?" she asked with genuine surprise.

"I have been known to, although it doesn't happen as often as I would like," he admitted.

Kimberly waved over one of the assistants and asked for a refill as both of their glasses were empty. After which she turned back to him. "I am fairly certain I could burn water given the opportunity. I am generally known as the worst cook ever."

"Maybe you just haven't had the right teacher," he added with a low tone.

"I did grow up on starships so the opportunity didn't present itself often. My parents were always busy working and I spent a lot of time exploring all of the areas in the ships I was supposed to be forbidden to go," she said with a grin.

Kaidan raised his eyebrows and found his grin matching hers. As the assistant returned with their drinks he took the glass gratefully and had a long sip. He was glad for the momentary distraction. "I can just picture little rebel Kim sneaking around starships," he replied.

"You have no idea," she taunted. "All those stories about kids who grow up in space are true and that's all I am going to say about it, before you decide to go running a mile in the other direction."

Kaidan laughed before raising his glass to his lips. He took a long sip of the red wine and then placed it back down on to the table's surface. Sometimes he almost wished biotics could feel the effects of the alcohol better than they could, it would take more than one or two drinks to even feel a slight buzz.

"With everything you have already told me about yourself, there isn't a chance in hell you could possibly be single unless, you have some deep dark secret that you are hiding," she said before raising her own glass to her lips.

"I guess I just haven't found the right woman yet," he responded quietly. It wasn't like he was really looking for one either. He always figured if it was going to happen it would and if not there was more than enough to keep him occupied in the alliance. At least that was, until he met her. As his eyes wandered over her face he found himself entertaining the idea of something more, thoughts he quickly pushed from his mind again. "How about you?"

Kimberly chuckled as she looked down at her glass, the action breaking their eye contact. "Realistically? It's not likely to ever happen. Long distance is virtually impossible for anyone to maintain and even if they do it is hard on those involved, too hard most of the time. I spend so much time moving from one place to the next it hardly even seems fair to consider putting someone _through_ that."

"That sounds like you have at least considered it," he responded.

"Only for long enough to realise it's not a place I want to go. I mean let's face it," she raised her eyes to meet his. "When your a ground pounder you put yourself in danger constantly. Fire fights, explosions, falling buildings, rough terrain, it's all there every time I step foot groundside. Just traveling on an alliance starship is dangerous enough. Who would want to put someone through that constant fear and concern, only for the inevitable to most likely happen in due time?"

"If you asked all of the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and spouses out there if they would do it all over again. I am willing to bet that their answer would always be the same. Yes, because it is worth the risk even knowing the outcome. They wouldn't trade that time that they had with those they loved for anything in the galaxy," he answered seriously. To not even be willing to try, seemed like a very lonely existence to him and one no one should have to live forever. "Unless you intend to lock yourself away in a room for eternity, I don't think you could stop people from caring."

"I've looked into the faces of those people. I've seen their pain when they are informed of their loss. I've even seen good officers crack and break. It doesn't seem fair to ever put someone through that," she replied sincerely as she swallowed down a lump in her throat. "It also looks as if we may have broken our no work talk rule," although she smiled with her last comment, it didn't reach up to her eyes.

Kaidan had to fight the sudden urge to reach over and tuck a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ears. "I guess it does at that," he responded, followed by a soft chuckle. The tone at the table had certainly traveled in a direction he hadn't expected, or intended.

"Dance with me?" she asked abruptly. He could see that look in her eyes again, the one that he had yet to discover the meaning behind. This time it was a little closer to the surface, less hidden than it had been the first time their eyes locked.

He reached over and closed his fingers around her hand as he stood up from his chair. As their fingers connected, he could feel the soft hum of her biotics resonating across the skin of his arm. There was no sudden shock like the first time, this time it felt different, soothing and even seductive. "It would be my pleasure," he responded as he coaxed her to follow him towards the dance floor.


	2. Chapter 2

His hand felt warm against her cooler fingers, pleasantly so. She followed as he weaved them between the other dancers on the floor, looking for an area that would give them enough space to move. As he turned around and their eyes locked, she felt a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. If his dancing was half as good as his looks, she was in for a real treat.

The music playing had an upbeat rhythm, the kind of beat that even sitting it would be difficult not to want to tap a foot in time with it. She let Kaidan set the pace and the distance between them by matching his movements as he started dancing. He wasn't just good, he was amazing. Her eyes wandered over his body as if they had a mind of their own. Even under his BDU's she could see the straining of his taut muscles as he increased the complexity of their dance steps.

By the time the first song started winding down, he had moved in closer. Kimberly could feel the heat radiating from his body, she could feel his hot breath against her forehead. Although they weren't touching the space that was between them gradually decreased, as if a magnet was somehow drawing them towards each other.

A thin sheen of sweat gave his face a healthy glow as her eyes returned to his. The music shifted but not harshly so, they easily slipped into the rhythm of the next song. She wasn't sure if the increase in her heartbeat was due to the exertion or if his closeness was the cause.

The subtle hum of his biotics rippled over her body and set her skin aflame, causing her breath to catch in her throat. It was impossible for her mind not to wonder, if just one dance had that effect on her, what would it be like to feel his arms circling her waist, or his lips against hers? Involuntarily she licked her own lips as her eyes sort out his. They looked darker and more intense, she could see that his eyes were sweeping across the length of her body. As he reached the area of her swaying hips, his dance steps wavered. A tremble rolled through her as she realised he wasn't the only one having an effect on the other.

He wasn't the first man she had turned on with a seductive smile or the swaying of her hips but, he was the first man to ever capture her notice so completely and so effortlessly. She felt her reservations about picking up a stranger in an alliance bar melting away. As his eyes rose back up to meet hers, Kimberly flashed him a seductive smile with a slight raising of her eyebrows. With the loud thumping music talking was all but pointless, her look was an invitation and she knew it.

He smiled back at her as his hands moved to her swaying hips. His grip was soft and tantalising, she could feel each of his fingers through the thin material of the tank top she was wearing. In time with the beat she turned so that his fingers slipped across her stomach. With her back against his taut body she leaned into him and bit back a moan. Their bodies fit together and moved in sync with the music as if they had been dancing together for years, not just one night.

His arms felt strong and protective around her as his hands rested on her stomach. She could feel the strength of his biotics as they mingled together with hers. Kimberly couldn't remember the last time she had been held, or even touched.

Too long. Longer than she would ever care to admit.

Her eyes closed and her hands moved to cover his as she let the music and the hum of his biotics flow through her. She couldn't have even begun to describe how good the sensation of being protected felt when normally that role was a weight solely planted on her shoulders. It was almost like he sensed her need as his arms tightened around her body.

The song shifted into the next, a much slower tempo than the first two had been. Kaidan took hold of one hand and coaxed her into a spin away from him, he gently pulled her back until her body was flush against his. Face to face once more Kimberly looked up into his eyes. A trickle of sweat trailed down from his hair to his eyebrow, she reached up and wiped it away gently with her fingers before resting her palm against his cheek.

With their eyes still locked together he hooked one arm under her bottom and lifted her, his other hand still resting gently on her hip. It felt a little odd at first to have her feet suddenly off the ground but, the look in his eyes quickly faded any discomfort into the background. She didn't know how it was possible that after such a short time she already felt as if he could be trusted, especially when it was normally difficult for her to trust anyone.

With her palm still pressed against his cheek, she lowered her head until their foreheads were touching and closed the gap between their lips. He responded to the touching of their lips without any delays, his warm and dry moving softly against hers.

Usually the men she was with went in hard and fast, hungry with want, their tongues instantly probing for entrance to her mouth.

Kaidan took it slowly, lowering her back down to the ground with their lips still connected. She was the first to part hers as she ran her tongue over his lower lip. Her hands slid around to the back of his head, fingers entwining in his hair as he captured her tongue between his lips and sucked, drawing it into his hot mouth.

She moaned softly into his mouth, her eyes closing as the kiss deepened and his slick tongue slid against hers. She was grateful that Kaidan's arms were firmly around her waist, she didn't trust her legs to hold her upright as her knees weakened.

 _Fuck._ The effect he had on her was thoroughly intoxicating.

She pulled back from the kiss, breathless with her heart pounding and leaned in close to his ear. "Let's get out of here," she said quietly but, loud enough for him to hear her over the beat of the slower song that was playing. As she looked into his eyes, for a brief moment he appeared to hesitate before nodding in response.

Kimberly took his hand in her's, entwining their fingers as she tugged him gently towards the bar's only exit.

She was no stranger to the Arcturus station. Growing up her mother had stopped there many times, sometimes for as long as a week between assignments. Being the inquisitive child that she was, Kimberly had always taken that time to explore everything. She knew the main area's of the station just as well as she knew all of the hidden, unused areas. Places children weren't supposed to venture, places that some officers and visitors weren't even supposed to venture, not that it ever stopped her.

She lead Kaidan through a maze of corridors, up and down stairs, around corners and through doors that were supposed to be locked but rarely ever were.

"So, where are we going?" he asked, not for the first time.

"You will see, I promise it will be worth it," she responded, with the same air of mystery that she had responded with the other times he asked.

They had been talking easily as they walked, like two friends catching up after not having seen each other for a long time. She recounted some of the adventures she'd had traversing those very same corridors as a child and almost getting caught more than once. He spoke of his family on earth, his parents. The outings they had taken as a family, things she had only ever dreamed of because her mother was always busy with one assignment or another.

She opened the final door, the one that would take them through to her intended destination. The door opened into a large, mostly abandoned observation deck. As the station grew and expanded the deck that had once been a main hub of activity became a ghost town of sorts. Mainly it was due to the fact that it was now so far out of the mainstream areas of the station that no one bothered with it anymore.

A railing along one side offered protection from a large drop below. Panels of one-way glass lined the bottom of the drop, providing a direct view of the stations main computer core. They could see the workers below but any of the workers looking up saw only their own reflections in the glass. It had been designed to allow viewing of the work in progress below, without distracting the workers themselves. Above the drop, the observation wall was covered in glass that looked out at the ships arriving and departing from the station and, beyond that the expanse of space and stars.

Kimberly turned so that she could watch Kaidan's expression as his eyes trailed over the room. A feeling of satisfaction washed over her as he appeared to like what he saw. She always had an affinity for finding remote but scenic locations on ships and stations and spending hours there just watching.

Her eyes trailed over Kaidan's body as he leaned up against one of the railings to look out at the ships beyond. It was as if she couldn't get enough of him, the taut muscles across his shoulders, the curve of his bottom, the muscles in the back of his legs that rippled against the fabric of his BDU's when he shifted. She tried not to think about the fact that it was only going to be one night, as she remembered the feel of his warm lips against hers and the feel of his body when he was pressed against her back. Ignoring the pangs of something, unfamiliar, she moved up beside him. "It is breathtaking isn't it? Places like this have a way of reminding me just how small we are in comparison to the rest of the galaxy."

"It really is," he agreed before turning his warm, brown eyes to hers. After a moment he added, "your pretty amazing as well."

"Flatterer," she teased whilst trying to contain the flush that curled its way through her, along with the increase of her heartbeat.

He reached a hand to her face and trailed his thumb along her jaw. As she held his gaze, she thought he seemed to be struggling with some internal thoughts that he wasn't voicing.

"What are you thinking?" she asked quietly.

"I am wondering how I am going to convince you to see me again," he admitted.

Her stomach clenched tightly at his words. She turned her head to look back out at the view, at least it was a good excuse for breaking eye contact. He was far too tempting, part of her mind was screaming at her to take a risk just once, whilst the other part was reminding her of all the reasons it was a bad idea. "Kaidan.. beyond now, this moment, tonight, I can't offer anything else."

"You can't or you won't?" he asked tensely.

"A little of both," she responded. The conversation between them was certainly taking a turn that she hadn't wanted, or expected. Thinking quickly she turned back to look at him. A slow, seductive smile tugging at the corner of her lips, "You know, for a marine you are a pretty decent dancer."

"You're trying to change the subject," he complained as a slow smile started to appear in place of the more serious expression he had a moment before.

"Is it working?" she asked as she stepped closer to him. "You knew what this was. Please don't go trying to make it anything more than that. Tonight can be whatever you want it to be and after that, we part company on good terms."

"You are a difficult woman to say no to," he said as he shifted his body so that he was facing her.

"Then don't say no," she whispered as she slipped her hands up behind his neck.

Kaidan's hands found her waist as he pulled her in flush against him. "I don't do one night stands," he whispered back. His lips were only millimeters away, close enough that she could feel his warm breath tickling hers.

"I'm not forcing you to stay," she responded huskily.

He closed the gap as he pressed his lips firmly against hers. There was a hunger behind his kiss as his tongue gently pressed against her lips, requesting access to her mouth. She parted them freely and held back a moan as his slick tongue slid against hers. It was a long, deep kiss, fueled by desire that had built up over hours of dancing, flirting and teasing.

Kimberly moaned into his mouth as his hands found both cheeks of her bottom and pulled her harder against his body. She could feel the desire behind his kisses and his arousal pressed against her abdomen. Her hands slid down his arms, the contours of his muscles enticing under her fingertips. She took hold of the bottom of his shirt and pulled it upwards.

Kaidan broke the kiss only long enough to help her lift the top over his head before his lips found hers again. As her fingers continued their exploration, trailing over his taut abdomen, he peppered kisses across her jawline. He continued down the side of her neck, pausing to take her earlobe between his lips. The sensation of his breath against her skin and his tongue teasing her earlobe made her toes curl and her knees weaken. "Kaidan," she pleaded breathlessly.

Kim could feel his lips curl into a smile against her skin, he was _liking_ the effect he was having on her far too much. She heard him gasp as she purposely flared her biotics, if he felt the humming against his skin at all like she had felt his, it wasn't difficult to imagine the sensations _that_ was creating for him. She used the momentary distraction to push him up against the railing. At the same time her hands moved to his pants as she undid the zipper and slid her fingers underneath the fabric.

He moaned her name as her fingers found the length of his shaft. Kimberly dropped down to one knee and hooked her thumbs under both the bottom of his BDU's and his underwear at the same time, sliding them down. She licked her lips as his erection sprang free from it's trappings. Her eyes glanced upwards to see him looking down at her with heavy lids. His hands found the back of her head, fingers entwining in her hair as she took the head of his shaft between her lips. Slowly, taunting she sucked her way down his length, taking him into her mouth as far as she could.

She could feel his growl vibrate through his body. Kaidan's fingers tightened in her hair as she slowly sucked her way back up to the head of his shaft. The roll of his hips as he tried to encourage her to cover him with her mouth again spurred her on. She increased the pressure of her lips against his shaft as she took him back into her mouth as far as she could. She started bobbing up and down along his length, slower at first, the speed increasing as she watched the expressions of torturous pleasure on his face.

She could feel his shaft swelling against her lips just before he moaned his warning, "Kim… I'm getting close."

Kimberly removed her mouth from around him and stood up, her fingers sliding over his chest as she leaned into him. "I'm not done with you yet," she taunted seductively.

Abruptly his arms encircled her waist as he lifted her, leaving her with little choice but to wrap her legs around his waist. He found her lips, his tongue probing and exploring her mouth as he carried her over to one of the longer padded bench chairs in the vacant observation lounge, and laid her down carefully.

She helped him peel off her shirt and unhook her bra, both garments discarded in a pile on the floor. His mouth instantly moved to her bare skin as he kissed his way along her collarbone to the swell of her breasts. He ran his tongue along the side of her breast before taking one already erect nipple between his lips.

She moaned in response, her hips lifting off the chair as she pressed her core against his hard shaft. Kaidan repeated the motion with her other breast, taking the nipple between his lips as he sucked softly on the erect bud. He moved a hand down her torso, her stomach muscles clenched in anticipation as his fingers slid over her silky soft skin. He fumbled with the button on her jeans, finally managing to pop it open. His fingers fumbled again as he unzipped the zipper before sliding his hand under the fabric of both her jeans and underwear. She gasped as his fingers moved over her mound, one sliding into her already wet folds. As he circled his finger around her clit she moaned loudly and bucked her hips to press against his teasing hand. "Kaidan…" she whimpered, pleading. "I want you in me, _now_."

Kaidan removed his hand from her pants and shifted down her body to slide them down her legs. He paused at her feet as he removed her boots and let them drop to the ground along with her underwear and jeans. He kicked off his own boots and pushed his pants down the rest of the way, dropping them on top of hers.

He covered her body with his own, nestling between her legs. Kimberly gave him a small nod of confirmation as their eyes locked, she could see his silent question. She lifted her hips up off the bench to rub her wet folds against his shaft. Kaidan moaned as he buried his face against her neck, breathing in her scent while carefully pushing his shaft into her entrance. He held there, deep inside her core for a moment as she adjusted to his size and then started slowly pumping his hips.

Kimberly's hips rocked in sync with him, meeting every thrust. Her fingers gripped his shoulders and pressed harder against his skin as he plunged faster and deeper inside her. Her movements and breaths became erratic as heat pooled in her stomach. "Oh god, Kaidan!"

Her fingernails dug into flesh, her hips thrust up high off the bench and crashed back down again as she came undone beneath him. Kaidan slowed his thrusts momentarily as he rode through her orgasm with her. When he couldn't take it any more he pulled out and plunged back into her hard and fast. He growled against her neck as his hot seed spilled into her.

Covered in sweat and juices, they both held each other as they panted with racing hearts. Kaidan wriggled his way in behind Kimberly on the bench and wrapped his arms around her. With her back pressed against his bare chest and his arms wrapped around her, she gripped his hands in her own. They both laid there in silence as their rapid breathing started normalizing. After a while, Kaidan's slow even breaths against her neck started making her feel safe and drowsy.

She thought she would just close her eyes for a few minutes...


	3. Chapter 3

She wasn't sure how long she had been awake for, laying with her head resting on Kaidan's bare chest. The sound of his heartbeat under her ear was comforting in a way that she had never expected. Somehow they had made it back to her room, all she remembered of that journey was a lot of flirting, touching, teasing and kisses around corners. The rest was something of a blur. The memories of what happened after they reached her room, their bodies pressed together, the feel of his smooth skin under her fingertips. The feel of him filling her as they blended together, all lingered fresh in her mind. The images and sensations as clear as the highest quality holovids. Just thinking about being with him increased her heart rate and made her stomach flutter.

What the heck was wrong with her?

There hadn't ever been any reservations about slipping out the following morning, never to be seen or heard from again. Not that she picked up random strangers often, but it had happened in the past during times when she had been the most vulnerable. She didn't even remember their names and most of the time she was too drunk to remember what they did, but she remembered his.

 _Kaidan._

She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, even the scent of his aftershave mixed with sweat and what she could only assume was his own natural body odor was intoxicating. Kimberly was stalling and she knew it, the longer she stalled the more chance there was of him waking. Carefully she extracted herself from his arms and slid off the bed. Holding her breath she watched as he stirred for a moment before he rolled over on to his side, the slow, even rise and fall of his chest was a good indication that he had drifted back to sleep.

Less than five minutes later she was standing in the room dressed in her BDU's with a sack containing the only possessions she ever carried with her, slung over her shoulder. As she pushed the door panel and watched it slide open, her eyes turned back to the form on the bed. She couldn't. She couldn't just leave without a word.

Kimberly stepped back into the room, hoping that he would remain asleep for just a couple more minutes. Her eyes quickly scanned the area looking for something, anything, that she could leave a note behind on. That was when she remembered most temporary quarters included a datapad for visitors to access the extranet. Silently she slipped over to the bedside table and opened up the draw. Sitting inside, as she suspected was a datapad that she carefully lifted out.

 _A night to remember, always._  
 _Maybe the universe will decide._

 _Kim x_

She paused just for a moment before placing the datapad on the top of the bedside table's surface and then silently slipped out of the room.

The corridor outside of the quarters was already a hub of activity with alliance officers scurrying about, each heading to one venue or another, most carrying datapads or talking over comm lines to unheard people on the other end. She knew her make-up was most likely smudged and her hair, was a mess. There would be time on-board the Normandy to shower and fix her hair before reporting to the Captain. They still had another day before departing the station but, she wanted to meet some of the crew members and get comfortable on board first. It always took her a little while to settle into a new posting, especially when she was naturally wary of new people. Kimberly also had this niggling feeling that she hadn't _just_ been assigned to the Normandy for a shakedown cruise. That she would in fact be remaining on board afterwards for whatever missions the new vessel was destined to be attending to.

She was after all, considered to be one of the best. You don't assign the best for a simple trip around the block. Something else was going on and it damn well better not include more media coverage.

Even dressed in her BDU's the blonde hair and her head down was enough to allow her to reach the Normandy's airlock without being recognised. That was something she could enjoy getting used to, it was just a shame she knew it wouldn't last. It was only a matter of time before the blonde hair was just as easily recognisable as her natural black hair had been, the media would make sure of that. As the Normandy's airlock seemed to take its time running through the decontamination process, she tapped her foot impatiently. When the inner doors finally opened she quickly scurried through the CiC, ignoring the hub of activity surrounding her, she went straight for the stairs to the crew deck. It wasn't until the doors closed that she realised she wasn't alone walking the staircase to the lower level.

"Captain?" she asked with a smirk as it appeared she hadn't even been recognised by him.

"Shepard?" he said back at her with a look of surprise before quickly shaking his head. "What… you know what, never mind. I don't think I want to know."

"That is probably for the best, Sir," she agreed. When first learning about the posting on the Normandy she had reservations about being assigned to a Captain who knew her as well as Anderson did. In the end, after a lot of convincing on his part, she had finally agreed to take it.

"Just tell me there won't be any calls from the station in regards to your conduct over the past couple of days," he stated with a stern, knowing look on his face.

Kimberly grinned as she shook her head, "Not this time, Sir."

"Good. Once you are ready, I need you to come and see me in the debriefing room," he commanded.

"Yes Sir," she responded just as they reached the bottom of the stairs that opened up onto the crew deck. She slipped passed him quietly before he could start asking her any questions related to the visit on Arcturus station. As much as she loved Anderson like family, actually working with him was going to be the death of her she was certain of it.

It didn't take long for her to locate the lockers and place the sack inside. She pulled out a clean towel and clean underwear before making her way straight towards the showers. Once under the soothing stream of warm water, she took her time. Setting the pressure just right, she let the water flow over her neck and shoulders, easing the tension from her muscles. It wasn't easy but she forced herself to push all thoughts of Kaidan and the night before to the back of her mind, so that she could focus on the day ahead. It was time for Kimberly to take a step back and Commander Shepard to take a step or ten, forward.

* * *

As he first began to wake, Kaidan stretched with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Slowly the fog of sleep began to lift, as it did he reached an arm across the bed, only to find the space beside him empty. With a start he sat upright and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. As he glanced around the room he could see that it too was empty and the bag that had resting on the far wall was gone. Reality crashed down around him, of course he should have expected her to be gone by the time he woke but that didn't stop him from _hoping_ it wouldn't happen.

His eyes fell on the datapad that he was fairly sure hadn't been on the bedside table the night before, not that he had been paying much attention to anything other than _her_. He picked it up and pressed a thumb to the screen, as it flicked to life he could see her words clearly in front of him. He read and re-read the last line so many times that he lost count, _maybe the universe will decide._ What did that mean exactly? That she would reconsider if the universe put them together again? The implications of that when he _knew_ he would see her again on the Normandy was something he thought he should quickly squash.

It probably didn't really mean anything, not when she had written it expecting to never see him again.

He took in a deep breath as he shifted his body off the bed to retrieve his clothes from the floor. As he dressed, the scent of her perfume reached his nose. It still lingered on his clothing and skin, in a way she still lingered there. He closed his eyes against the influx of thoughts that followed that scent, he remembered the feel of her silky smooth, bare skin against his. The sounds of her whimpers as his fingers teased her.

 _No._ He had to put all of that behind him before he boarded the ship. Especially if he had a chance in hell of making it through the next couple of days, let alone the next couple of weeks. Of course that was provided she doesn't kick him off the ship the moment she caught sight of him. Kaidan had no idea what he had been thinking, he _never_ should have allowed it to go as far as it did.

Fully dressed he sat back down on the side of the bed and ran both hands through his hair. He really was screwed. Of all the people in the galaxy he could have chosen for his one and only one night stand, he had to go and sleep with Commander Shepard. Right before he was due to depart on a fucking mission with her.

He accessed his omni-tool and a moment later a familiar voice came over the line.

"Joker here," the pilot said clearly.

"Hey man, can you meet me at the bar on the station?" Kaidan asked.

"At this time of the morning? You want to go to a bar at this time of the morning?" Joker asked back at him with mixture of disbelief and humour in his voice.

"I didn't say anything about drinking at the bar," Kaidan responded. "I need to talk and it seems as good a place as any, it should be pretty deserted at this time of day."

"Yeah, alright." After a moment's pause Joker continued, "although the Commander just arrived so we shouldn't be long. I hear she wants to meet most of the crew before we depart tomorrow," Joker's voice said over the line.

Kaidan cringed as his stomach lurched. He hated how that bothered him as much as it did. "Yeah, I am kind of stalling on that. I'll explain when you get here, Alenko out."

He shut the omni-tool down again and went straight for the door. He wasn't sure if telling Joker was his best plan ever but, he needed to talk to _someone_. He had worked with the pilot many times in the past and they had at least become friends, even if they did intentionally get on each others nerves at times.

* * *

Just as he suspected it would be, the bar was virtually deserted. The music was down low because the dance floor was vacant, at least that should make talking much easier. A few patrons sat at tables vastly spread out and even less of those actually held any form of alcohol in their hands. It was to be expected from an alliance station, regs about drinking on duty were very strict.

Kaidan chose a table that was as far away from any of the other people as possible and sat down to wait for Joker. He had no idea what he was actually going to say to the other man, in a way he was looking for confirmation that he wasn't going to be completely screwed when he finally did board the ship. He doubted Joker could really give him that but maybe he could offer a small amount of reassurance.

He didn't have to wait long before he saw Joker come in, hobbling along smoother than normal with his leg braces on. Kaidan raised his hand to wave him over to the table, although it probably wasn't necessary with such a small gathering of people. Joker gave him a nod of confirmation before he made his way to the table and sat down.

"So, what's the big emergency that you needed to drag me into a bar at breakfast time for?" Joker asked as he studied Kaidan closely.

"I met a girl last night," Kaidan started. For some reason he was finding it very difficult to tell the entire story in one hit.

"A girl? You called me in here because you met a girl?" Joker asked with a frown and a hint of feigned frustration.

"I umm, may have slept with her," Kaidan admitted.

"So, what does that mean? You actually indulged in a one night stand?" Joker asked genuinely surprised. However, he still didn't look convinced that it was enough to drag him off the ship for.

"That's what she wants to believe but, it was more than that. I know it was," Kaidan replied.

"So now you want me to help you track her down for you or something like that? You're the one with the tech knowledge, can't you just bust into a database?" Joker asked.

"No. That won't be necessary. I know exactly where she is," Kaidan responded cryptically.

"Well at least give me something. Why did you call me down here?" Joker asked. "Unless… tell me she isn't a crew member?"

"Oh not just any crew member," Kaidan said as he placed his elbows on the table and covered his face with his hands. "It was Commander Shepard."

"What? Who?" Joker scoffed. "You didn't just say what I think you just said."

"I did, and it gets worse," Kaidan said miserably.

"How could it possibly get any worse? Should I just start preparing your funeral now?" One thing was certain, Kaidan had his full attention. Joker sat forward in his chair, his eyes piercing right through Kaidan's hands.

"She doesn't know," Kaidan responded. Finally he dropped his hands back down to the table to look at his friend. "To her, I was just a random pick up. She was flying under the radar, I don't think she expected anyone to recognise her."

"That would explain why her hair was blonde instead of black, it was always black in the vids," Joker said.

"I recognised her voice straight away and I never said anything," Kaidan admitted.

"So, don't tell her. Let her believe it is as much of a surprise for you as it is for her," Joker said with a shrug of his shoulders. "What makes you think it was something more? Sounds like a typical one night stand to me."

"I don't know, there was just a connection. It's hard to explain." Kaidan sighed as he sat back in his chair. He couldn't explain it because he still didn't understand it himself.

"Then you better unconnect, fast." Joker's voice was about as serious as it ever got as he looked squarely at Kaidan. "If you knew it was her all along and still did this, what were you thinking?"

"I don't know!" Kaidan said exasperated. "She was there, she ordered the same drink I did. There was some strange biotic thing, we got talking, one moment led to another and then another. The problem is, I really like her."

"Normally I'd be all for you finding some girl that you liked, but this isn't just any girl. You're talking about Commander fucking Shepard, our xo. You've got to let this go," Joker said sternly.

"You aren't telling me anything I don't already know," Kaidan responded grimly.

"Chances are she is going to kill you if she finds out you actually knew," Joker said seriously.

"You don't really think she would go that far do you?" Kaidan asked. For that matter, he didn't think she would but he _did_ believe there would be a lot of anger, yelling and possibly a reassignment at the worst possible time. He may have ruined his entire career because he let his hormones get the better of him and the worst part about it was the fact that he still thought it had been worth the risk. He would do it all over again and he _still_ wanted to try and convince her to change her mind.

"No. Not really but I do think you are risking a transfer and you know as well as I do the Normandy is a chance in a lifetime assignment, if it wasn't why would they have recruited Commander Shepard for the team in the first place?" Joker asked.

"You're thinking that this is more than just a shakedown cruise too aren't you?" Kaidan asked as he looked over at Joker. The thought had crossed his mind more than once. What if it wasn't just a two week cruise but the lead up to a more permanent assignment? He swallowed as his nerves got the better of him.

"Isn't everyone? Just look at the crew that has been assembled," Joker added as he shifted in his chair. "Some of the alliance's best and brightest. Don't ask me why they recruited you though," he teased.

"Really? I was just wondering why they recruited _you_ ," Kaidan teased back. Although he would never admit it to Joker, he knew why the man had been recruited. He was one of the best pilots in the alliance, the problem was he also had no issues in making sure everyone _knew_ that. He didn't need any encouraging.

"Best damn pilot in the alliance fleet, _that's_ why," Joker injected.

"Yeah, yeah. I've heard it all before. Top of your class in flight school and all of the extra ribbons that go with it. Have you thought about letting your hair grow out so you have a place to put them all?" Kaidan smirked.

"Next time you have a crisis, you can call someone else to come and be your sounding board. Speaking of boards, or boarding in this case, when are you planning on returning to the ship?" Joker asked. "So I can, you know, make sure I am far, far away first."

"I was thinking some time late, tonight. After the Commander has retired," Kaidan admitted. What he didn't want to admit was the fact that some part of him, was hoping she may just return to the bar again. One last night before they depart. It was a thought that he tried to dismiss but the more he considered it, the more he wanted it.

"If I was you, I wouldn't delay. Get it over and done with rather than sitting here stressing over what might be. At least then you will know." He said as he stood up from the table.

"I will think about it," Kaidan responded distracted. He wasn't thinking about Joker's suggestion at all but his own thoughts. What were the chances she might actually show up for a second night?

"For what it's worth, good luck," Joker said as he stood up from his chair. "On the other hand I am going to go now, before someone realises I am missing."

"Hey, thanks for coming down here," Kaidan added sincerely.

"Don't mention it," Joker responded, waving him off before he turned in the direction he had arrived from.

Kaidan knew Joker was right to be concerned, hell he was worried about the outcome himself. So why then was he very seriously considering the possibility of repeating the same mistake a second night? Rather than facing the music on the Normandy as soon as possible and getting it over with? Especially considering how unlikely it was that she would even return.

He tapped his fingers on the table absently. Maybe part of him desperately wanted to know if the connection he felt was one sided, or if there was even the remote chance that she had felt it too. His mind returned to the message on the datapad, somehow he _needed_ to find out.


	4. Chapter 4

Commander Shepard ascended the stairs and stepped through the doors into the CiC. All traces from the night before erased. Her blonde hair was pulled back neatly behind her head, a couple of the more stubborn locks rested in curls that framed the sides of her face. The makeup she had worn had been completely washed off during her shower, leaving her with a natural, wholesome appearance.

Her dark blue eyes squinted slightly she looked around, adjusting to the flickering lights from the various consoles, there was no doubt that the Normandy was an impressive vessel.

She approached a slightly older man who was working on a nearby console, his face was one of the few on board familiar to Kimberly during her years of service. "Pressly," she said as she came to stop beside the console. When he looked up from his work, she gave him a formal nod in greeting. "It is good to see you again."

"Likewise Commander. Is there anything you need?" he asked as he gave her a familiar smile.

"I would like all of the crews files downloaded to a datapad so that I can go over the records of those I am not familiar with," she requested.

"Ah, that is going to take at least an hour Commander," he responded.

"Why the delay?" she asked with a puzzled expression.

"The system will be running slow for at least that long with all of the last minute maintenance checks. The Captain wanted to be certain everything is running at full capacity before we depart," he explained.

"Very well. See to it that I receive those files as soon as possible," she directed.

"Yes Ma'am. Was there anything else?" he asked.

"Just one more thing, the Eden Prime ground team. I know it is only a walk around the block for the sake of appearances but, I would like to meet with them as soon as possible. Are both officers on board?" she asked. Kimberly was always prepared no matter what and part of those preparations, was to know who was going to have her back if something went wrong.

Something almost always _did_ go wrong, especially when she was around.

"Corporal Jenkins is down on the crew deck right now speaking with the Doctor," Pressly responded. "I don't believe Lieutenant Alenko has reported in yet."

"If Alenko is on the station, see to it that he does report in as soon as possible," she commanded.

"Yes Ma'am. I will see that he is contacted." Pressly almost instantly turned back to the console so that he could send a message to the Lieutenant. His fingers worked swiftly over the panel.

"Very well. That will be all." As an afterthought she mumbled her breath, "I guess I shouldn't keep the Captain waiting any longer."

"I must admit I am surprised you agreed to take this assignment," Pressly noted.

"No more surprised than I am," Kimberly admitted as she leaned up against the side of the console and folded her arms.

"The Captain is a good man, I am sure you won't have any trouble serving with him," Pressly said with a hint of admiration in his tone.

"That he is," she agreed. "I just tend to prefer not serving under Commanding Officers who know _all_ of the havoc I created during my time at the Academy, beyond what actually made it into my files."

"I am sure it wasn't half as bad as you make it out to be," Pressly replied.

"Oh, you have no idea," Kimberly said cryptically as a sly smile crept across her features.

"You do know how to make a person curious," he said as he looked up briefly from sending the message to Alenko.

She raised her eyebrows slightly and stood up straight, her arms dropping to her sides. "I should let you get back to your duties, I wouldn't want to be getting in trouble for distracting the crew on my first day."

Some stories were best left untold, especially those that the press had yet to get hold of. If she had her way, they never would.

Captain Anderson had his back to her as she stepped through the debriefing room doors. It appeared as if he had just finished talking to someone over the communications network, as he was still standing there looking at the wall screen. She cleared her throat as she moved further into the room so that he would become aware of her presence.

"Ah, Commander. I am glad you are here," he said as he turned around to face her.

"Captain, is everything okay?" she asked with wary curiosity.

"I have just received word that we should be expecting a guest in the morning before we depart," Anderson said. He was speaking carefully, as if considering each word before voicing it.

"What kind of guest?" she asked with a guarded tone. It wasn't a good sign that details about the mission were already changing. Of course she should have expected it and in a way she did but, that didn't stop her from _hoping_ that at least one mission wouldn't go to hell.

"A turian council spectre by the name of Nihlus," the Captain answered.

"A council spectre? You can't be serious? What's really going on?" Kimberly asked in quick succession.

"I've said as much as I am able to so far," Captain Anderson responded. "Just be aware that there will be an early meeting with our guest in the morning."

"You know I hate being kept out of the loop," she complained.

"I am aware but, my hands are tied on this," he replied.

"Of course they are, it's always fucking politics. Council politics are the worst." Politics, as far as she was concerned was the worst kind of joke in existence. Politics was also the biggest reason why the media never left her alone, the alliance wanted a poster girl and decided to make her it, no matter how much she protested.

"The alliance needs the council," Anderson warned.

"Bullshit, we've survived this long without them," she spat out as she folded her arms defensively.

"Only through blind dumb luck and you know it, work with me on this one. At least _try_ to be diplomatic," he pleaded.

"You are my Captain, if you give me an order I will follow it. That doesn't mean I have to like it," she grumbled, backing down a little, albeit reluctantly.

Anderson nodded as he relented. "I suspected as much and I wouldn't have it any other way. Someone has to ask the hard questions, to keep the alliance grounded as much as possible but, we do need this."

"That remains to be seen, especially since I have no idea what _this_ is currently." How could she really prepare if she didn't know what to be ready for?

"You will soon enough, in the meantime get to know the crew." Anderson paused for a moment and appeared to be studying her closely. "However, before you do that, off the record. How are you really?"

Kimberly let out a slow breath as she forced herself to relax momentarily. "What would you say if I said that I am not sure this is what I want to do any more?" she asked quietly.

"I would say I am surprised but, I know shouldn't be. I've suspected something wasn't right for a while now," he answered. The more serious tone and expression of the Captain giving way to something more familiar. Friendly concern flickered across his features.

"I guess part of me is wondering if I joined the alliance because it was what I wanted, or if I joined because it was expected." It wasn't an easy admission to make, especially when she felt as if she could be letting Anderson down. He had been there for her when she needed a friend the most and it was something she would never forget.

"The alliance would be losing one hell of a soldier if you ever decided to leave," he said as if he was struggling to find the right response.

"I haven't decided anything, yet. I just thought I should let you know I am considering it. Especially after everything you have done for me." It was difficult to hold back the emotion from her voice. Even after three years the memories were still as clear as if she were in that moment all over again.

"Do you know what concerns me the most? The fact that you throw everything you have at the alliance, you forget to come up for air once in awhile." He moved closer and wrapped his arms around her, drawing Kimberly in to a friendly hug. In many ways, Anderson was like the father she never knew. At the least he was her mentor and closest friend. "You keep everyone at a distance, when was the last time you actually took time out for yourself and made some friends?"

"I have a friend, you." _Dammit._ He always made her remember, and feel. She bit back the tears that were burning the backs of her eyelids.

"Friends your own age," he said with soft laughter in his voice. "You don't need to be hanging out with older folk like myself. It is true you needed to settle down before you did yourself some real harm but, there's a difference between settling down and shutting everyone out."

She stepped back from the hug, before too many emotions could rush to the surface. "I am pretty sure we have had this conversation before, my stance hasn't changed," she said with a stubborn set to her jaw.

"Maybe it's time it did, the job is a lot less grueling if you share the experiences with others." As he stood back and watched her, she hated the concern she could see in his expression. Even more so because she knew there was every chance he was right. "It's been three years. It is time to stop hiding in the past and start living, don't let the next one get away."

"I am fairly sure you would change your mind _very_ quickly if I actually took that advice," she said with a smirk. "Are we done here?"

"For the time being. I won't hold you up any longer, I am sure you are eager to meet the rest of the crew."

"Right," she said before turning and walking out of the briefing room.

Kimberly was grateful that the hall outside of the room was empty as she paused just beyond the door. She raised her hands to her face to wipe her eyes dry and take a few deep breaths. Before she entered the CiC again, the mask of Commander Shepard was firmly in place.

* * *

He wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse that the elevator to the docking bay seemed as if it was taking forever to reach its destination. On the one hand, it could possibly be delaying the end of his career and on the other, by the time the doors opened up his nerves were shot to pieces.

As if he wasn't already nervous enough.

The decision about when to report to the Normandy had been taken out of his hands after he received the message from Pressly. The order was clear that the Commander wanted to see him as soon as possible. Had she been looking through the crew personal files? It was standard practice for a photo to be included with the files, so that the command officers would know who to look for.

There had been a few times Kaidan considered sending a message to the Commander and warning her first, but that would have required admitting he knew her identity prior to their liaison. In the end it was a thought he had dismissed as a very bad idea. As much as he hated the deception, he was already in far too deep to change it.

He would just have to ride out the consequences and hope for the best, without making them worse for himself.

 _That_ would have been easier if his mind didn't keep replaying the events from the night before. After studying her career for so long, he had never dreamed that being with her would have felt as right as it had. He had no idea how he was going to find a switch to turn off those thoughts, those _feelings_ after only one fucking night, he couldn't stop thinking about her.

As the Normandy's decontamination process completed and the inner doors opened, he stepped through them on to the Command deck swiftly. His intention was to head straight for the crew deck so he could place the bag swung over his shoulder into his locker first. As soon as he stepped on to the deck and turned, he found himself walking head on into someone. As he raised his eyes, he was looking right into the eyes of the person who had been plaguing his thoughts all morning.

The sensual, soft hum of her biotics rippled over his skin. His heartbeat was thrumming in his ears so loudly he was sure half of the command centre would be able to hear it. What's more, he had heard her sharp intake of breath the moment their eyes settled on each other.

Kaidan could literally see the recognition register in her dark blue eyes as they pierced right through him. " _Kaidan,"_ she whispered startled.

He swallowed as he quickly tried to gather his thoughts into something coherent, "Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, reporting for duty Ma'am."

"You're Lieutenant Alenko?" she asked with disbelief.

"Yes Ma'am," he responded.

Whatever hidden, unspoken thoughts went through her mind at their first encounter, she appeared to be squashing them quickly as her expression hardened. She gave him a short nod, "Very well, find Corporal Jenkins on the crew deck. I will be down there to speak with both of you in a moment."

"Yes Ma'am," he replied and then, for a moment he hesitated.

"Go," she commanded. With such a short word he wasn't entirely certain but, he thought the tone in her voice sounded softer with that one word. It could just have easily been his imagination because he was looking ever so closely for something, anything, that said the connection he had felt wasn't just one sided.

He should have realised that wasn't really going to happen in the middle of a crowded command deck.

Kaidan broke eye contact as he stepped to one side and moved past the Commander. He would have stopped by the CiC to have a good look around the new vessel if, it wasn't for the fact that he wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Preferably before Shepard could change her mind. He convinced himself that he'd had the element of surprise on his side and was still very concerned what might happen, once she had a moment to stop and think about the situation they found themselves in.

As it turned out, the rest of the day moved along relatively smoothly. They sat around the table in the messhall discussing the details of the mission - not that there was a lot to discuss. It was a straightforward meet and greet of the civilian leaders on Eden Prime. Followed by what would most likely be a small press conference, which the Commander appeared to be less the impressed over. He couldn't really blame her for that, it always appeared as if the press was hounding her about one detail or another. It was easy to see why, not only was she a good soldier but also very attractive. She made the alliance look good. He had no doubt that the brass at alliance command was probably responsible for pushing the press towards her. Perhaps that was also why she had been chosen for such a simple mission when it was clearly a blatant waste of her talents.

Overall the meeting had been smooth and professional and when it was finished, he had been assigned to run an inventory check on all of the armor and weapons. That turned out to be extremely impressive. The Normandy was already very well stocked considering the ship wasn't going far, yet. It made him wonder just what plans the alliance really had for it once the shakedown cruise was completed. Part of him hoped he would be on board to find out, none of the crew was certain if they were looking at permanent assignments at that point or not. Being the only ship in the alliance fleet that could sneak past sensors, he could imagine just how impressive some of the future assignments might be. Not to mention important.

It had always been his dream to be assigned to missions that would really make a difference. The kind of missions that saved lives. There was no doubt in his mind that the Normandy and whoever was assigned to serve on it would be doing just that.

He could be as well, so long as he had not already messed up that chance and yet, he still couldn't bring himself to see it has having been a mistake.

It was much later before he saw Shepard again. After almost an hour of tossing and turning in his sleeper pod, he had given up on the notion of sleep and decided to seek out some food instead. When he got to the messhall, Shepard was sitting at the table hunched over a datapad with a large bowl of what looked to be mac and cheese. Not surprising, the rest of the room was vacant, he hadn't even expected her to still be awake.

Kaidan almost considered turning back around again. Almost. Instead he moved forward and began rummaging around the food stocks looking for something appetising. His mind wasn't really on the food, it was on the woman sitting at the table nearby. In the end he settled for a couple of energy bars because it was easier then trying to prepare something whilst he was so, distracted.

"How was your first day?" her voice was soft as it broke into the silence. Kaidan sat down across from her at the table. When he looked over at her, he noticed that her attention had shifted from the datapad she had been reading.

 _Don't read too much into that. She is just being nice._

Despite his thoughts, his heartbeat quickened as their eyes met. "About what you would expect from a ship still docked and waiting for departure," he responded. "I did have the opportunity to meet a few people though, the crew seems to have been carefully selected."

"That's what I was thinking as well, a little too carefully if you ask me," she said thoughtfully. As an afterthought she added, "I am surprised anyone else is still awake at this hour."

"I was having trouble getting to sleep, I can't say I am overly fond of sleeper pods," he admitted.

Kimberly let out a soft chuckle, the sound so harmonious that it sent a chill down his spine. "I am glad I am not the only one who thinks so. They don't get any more comfortable no matter how many missions you go on either."

Kaidan sat back in his chair as he ripped open the packet on one of the energy bars and took a bite. "So, you asked me. Now it's my turn, how was your first day?"

"Surprising," she responded as their eyes met.

For the briefest of moments he could see that same look in her eyes that he had seen a couple of times on the station. All at once the words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them, "Why don't we get out of here for a bit, while we still can?"

Once the words were out there, he froze and held his breath as he waited for her response.


	5. Eden Prime

A/N - Hey all, thanks for the follows and favs so far as well as the review! Much appreciated :)

I am very sorry for the delay in getting this chapter written. Sick child then school holidays, not to mention gaming and tumblr writing prompts the distractions are real I tell ya!  
I got there in the end though and I hope you enjoy the read :)

Eden Prime. I don't know about you guys but I feel as if I have done this mission 100 times over. I hope I have switched it up enough to give it a slightly new feel and perspective, I certainly tried.

* * *

She sat there in silence for a time as thoughts raced through her mind. It didn't help that right there on Kaidan's face was a look of innocent anticipation. As she held his gaze, it was difficult not to remember just how _comfortable_ she had felt laying in his arms when she had woken that morning. With his gorgeous brown eyes, his handsome looks and the only thing waiting for her a stark, empty sleeper pod. He was tempting. _Very_ tempting.

Hadn't the damage already been done? She had to ask herself if one more night before they left the station would really make that much difference. He _knew_ who she was now and he was still sitting there, hopeful, wanting to spend more time with her. As Kimberly Shepard, not just Kimberly the unknown. Although she could see that hopeful expression in his eyes she could also see something else, hesitation.

That was when all of the reasons _why_ it would be a bad idea came crashing down around her.

It _was_ different now that they knew. He had already wanted what was between them to be more than it was and she just couldn't give him that. Knowing that and working on the same ship would make the situation far too complicated. Someone would end up being hurt in the long run and he was far too good-natured to want to risk that person being him.

Yet she couldn't bring herself to just shut him down either.

Kimberly carefully chose her words as she pulled the bowl across the table until it was in front of her, "I have a very _early_ meeting with the Captain in the morning."

"You don't seem to be sleeping any more than I am," he replied. "We could make sure you are back on the ship with plenty of time for your meeting."

She sucked in a sharp intake of breath. Fuck he was hard to say _no_ to. She forced herself to keep the conversation and tone lighter as she chuckled softly. "My stomach had other ideas. It seems missing dinner wasn't such a great idea afterall."

"I can't help but notice you are avoiding a direct no. Trying to let me down gently?" he asked carefully.

"I think we both know that the answer to your question can't be anything else," Kimberly responded as she glanced down at the bowl and then scooped up a forkful of the macaroni and cheese, dropping it into her mouth. The taste of the food was met by a grumble of protest from her stomach at having been neglected. She swallowed and then met Kaidan's eyes across the table. "It was different when we didn't know we would be working together. I won't say anything about what happened between us and risk you being transferred. It was just one night and we both knew that going in. I think we can be professional about this, without making it awkward."

Kaidan nodded. The flicker of disappointment that crossed his features tugged at something inside her that she had thought to be long since gone. "Understandable, and accepted. Thank you for not saying anything."

"The Normandy is looking to be a good posting for anyone's career, I wouldn't want to see yours damaged just because we didn't know," she replied. Kim scooped another forkful of her meal into her mouth, followed quickly by another. "Your service record is impressive," she added after swallowing the food.

"You have been checking up on me?" Kaidan asked. That hopeful look creeping its way back into his eyes. It was difficult not to notice just _how_ expressive they were and how easily they said the things he didn't speak out loud.

"Of course, I make a point of knowing the crew I am serving with." It was an honest answer, although what she didn't say was the fact that she had been reading Kaidan's file as he had come into the mess hall or, that she had read it more than once over the course of the evening. She had gone over every detail painstakingly carefully. She had wanted to know it all. Every mission, every assignment, every posting. Who he had worked with in the past and just _how_ good his training records were. Everything about his file had been impressive. Unlike her own record, his was flawless.

"Yet here I was thinking curiosity may have played a part in that after you discovered we would be working together," he said with feigned rejection.

A smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she swallowed another forkful of her food. Once she had started eating, following the protest from her stomach she hadn't been able to stop. Most of the contents of the bowl had already been devoured.

"There may have been a little curiosity," she admitted when she managed to stop eating long enough to speak. As she scooped the last forkful of food into her mouth she pushed her chair back and stood up. "I should at least try and get some sleep before morning," she grumbled.

"That makes two of us," he added. "Before you go, I have one more question."

Kimberly raised her eyebrows in curiosity, "Oh?"

"If we weren't on the ship tonight but, instead we bumped into each other again on the station would you have said yes?" he asked.

"You really _are_ persistent aren't you?" she asked with an amused tone.

"You are really good at dodging my questions," he responded. "That wasn't a no."

"You are right, that wasn't a no," she confirmed. Without giving him a chance to say anything further she walked out of the mess hall, straight to the sleeper pods. She didn't have an answer for him, not really. There was no way to know if she would have found some way to avoid risking getting any closer to him if the circumstances had been different or, if she would have given into what she wanted for one more night. Perhaps it was best not to know the answer.

Just as she was about to climb into the pod, Kaidan approached her. At first she was a little surprised until she realised what was in his hand. He was holding the datapad she had been reading. "You left this behind, I thought you might like it back."

"Thank you," she said quietly as she extended her hand to retrieve the item from his. Without the table between them she could feel the hum of his biotics sweeping across her skin. Carefully she avoided meeting his eyes, the sensation of his biotics was already increasing her heart rate, she didn't need to look into those eyes again and complicate it further.

"Goodnight Commander," he said quietly, once the datapad was securely back in her hands.

She had turned to make herself look busy adjusting the temperature controls for her pod. "Goodnight Lieutenant," she replied. It didn't require a glance to know he had moved away, the fact that she could no longer feel that biotic hum intermingling with her own told her as much.

Now that she knew, she couldn't unsee or un-hear all of the similarities between Kaidan Alenko and his brother. Was she drawn to him the night before at the bar because he was so much like Anthony had been? Even their service records were similar, both flawless. It was a question to which there would probably never really be an answer. She hadn't directly noticed the similarities until she heard Kaidan's surname but that didn't mean subconsciously she was pulled in his direction because they existed.

As she settled into the sleeper pod and turned off the internal lighting. Kimberly couldn't help but ask herself what Kaidan would think if he ever found out his new XO, had been the one responsible for issuing the order that had his brother killed.

* * *

Even though part of her had _expected_ the simple shakedown cruise to be something more she had been in no way prepared for exactly _how_ bad the mission was going. Then again, how could anyone prepare themselves for a ship as large as the one they had seen on the video footage before stepping planetside? How could they prepare themselves for the - she didn't even really have a name for them. The burnt out shells that had once been colonists but, were now something else far more sinister. As they stood on the tram waiting to arrive at the docking port, a shiver ran through her at the mere thought of ending up like one of those _things._

Kimberly hoped that Jenkin's body would be found where they had left it so that he could receive the burial that he deserved, that his family deserved. She could only hope like hell he didn't end up on one of those damned spikes and used as a weapon against some other unsuspecting soldier, or worse a civilian.

Her thoughts were broken at the sound of the young female officer they had picked up along the way. "Look ahead, Geth on the platform. What are they doing?" Ashley asked as the tram drew closer to the docking port ahead.

Kaidan was working quickly on his omnitool, having spotted the same thing Ashley had seen. "Whatever that device is I am picking up high energy readings from it. It could be some kind of explosive."

"Whatever it is you can be certain it won't be anything _good,_ " Shepard added, her eyes narrowing as she peered ahead. Her hand instantly went to the pistol she had holstered only moments before. "Let's take out those Geth and find out what they are up to."

"Aye aye, Ma'am," Kaidan responded as he also readied his own weapon.

"Affirmative," Ashley chimed in. The young officer reached for her sniper rifle and peered through the scope. As the tram came to a stop at the other side, she let off a shot that hit the first geth directly in the head. It's circuits overloaded almost instantly setting off an explosion that got the attention of its three remaining 'friends'.

Thankfully, crates lining the docking platform provided them with a location to scramble towards and offered reasonable protection from the remaining geth weapons fire. Shepard motioned for Kaidan and Ashley to stay down, carefully she peered over the top of the crate that was providing her with adequate protection from the enemy units. With the situation assessed she let off a well placed biotic shockwave that knocked the remaining three geth off their feet. Quickly Shepard gave the other two the order to open fire whilst the geth were busy trying to scramble back to their feet. The large metallic bodies they sported made it more difficult for them to recover. With a sudden barrage of weapons fire from all three of the officers aimed at them none of the geth made it back to their feet before their circuits overloaded.

"Kaidan, check out that thing they were working on. Ashley and I will cover you," Shepard ordered as she motioned for Ashley to move up with her into a cover position around the device.

"I'm on it," Kaidan responded as he moved forward. He crouched down beside the device and although it offered him some protection, as Kimberly looked back she could see he was still far more exposed then she would have liked.

The clinking of geth feet on the metallic platform up ahead reached her ears, "make it fast Lieutenant, we have more geth incoming."

"You are not going to like this Commander," Kaidan's voice came through the communications devices that was installed in each of their helmets.

"Just hit me with it," she said firmly. Kimberly tried to focus on what he was saying over the sound of her own pistol as she fired several shots directly into the chest of the closest geth. Only just managing to duck back down behind the crate again as returned fire zipped past her head.

"It is definitely an explosive device and there are at least three more scattered across the docks. Assuming they are all on the same timer that gives us nine minutes to disarm each of them," Kaidan answered.

"Geth prime!" Ashley exclaimed above Kaidan's explanation.

"Kaidan, get to cover NOW," Kimberly growled into her helmet.

"I've almost got this," he responded as his fingers continued to fly over the devices console.

"Damnit," Kimberly grumbled. She purposely moved herself out of cover, firing at the prime, as she scrambled towards the next safest location she could see in front of her. She intended to draw it's attention away from Kaidan's more exposed location and towards herself instead.

As geth weapons fire only narrowly missed her when she ducked down behind the next crate, she at least knew the diversion had succeeded.

"Watch out Commander, the prime is heading straight for you," Ashley chimed in over the coms.

Kimberly could hear the sound of Ashley's weapon firing but she couldn't tell what she was firing on from behind cover. "Focus on the prime," she ordered, just in case it wasn't already obvious.

"Explosive disarmed," Kaidan added.

At least from her cover location, she could see Kaidan quickly take up residence behind the crate she had been originally using as a shield. "Okay, let's take these geth out and move on to the next one."

The geth prime finally fell under a barrage of fire from both Shepard and Ashley as Kaidan remained behind cover to pinpoint the exact location of the next bomb. "Okay, I've got the next one. It is straight down the end of this platform, with about twenty geth between it and us," he explained.

"I didn't say it would be easy," Shepard smirked as she responded.

As it turned out, despite being vastly outnumbered the three of them worked well together as a team. With Kaidan disarming the explosives whilst Kimberly and Ashley covered him they managed to get to the next two without too many delays. As they reached the last explosive device, Kimberly could see straight away that it was going to prove to be more difficult. The location of the device and the panel on it meant that Kaidan would be very exposed, even worse then with the previous three.

As she heard the all too familiar sound of metal on metal up ahead, Kimberly swallowed hard. They were going to have to be twice as focused to prevent Kaidan from taking a hit. She didn't like it one bit and as she risked one last glance back, she almost wished she had not. Due to the location of the panel, Kaidan had his back to them and the geth. He wouldn't even see what was coming his way.

Both her and Ashley made quick work of the first few geth that descended on them, taking each one out before it barely even had a chance to fire back. The next group to move up was a little more organised, as if they had been co-ordinating on what hadn't worked for the previous group. They moved together forming a line of four units. As they opened up fire on the first two, the remaining two had a chance to aim their weapons directly at Kaidan.

 _Oh no you don't._ Shepard jumped up on top of the crate that had been her cover and landed with both feet on the other side of it. With her pistol aimed she fired directly at the weapon of one geth, knocking it out of the units hand and causing the shot it was firing to go wide. With her out of cover and posing the largest immediate threat the last geth turned it's attention straight to her, which was what she had intended. The only problem was the fact that her weapon had overheated and refused to fire again as she pulled frantically at the trigger. There was no time to move back behind the crate and no other cover between her and the geth that's weapon was aimed right at her.

She sucked in a breath expecting the inevitable but, it didn't come. Within a second a barrage of blaster fire came from behind her, hitting the geth directly in the chest. The unit toppled forward and then exploded, the shrapnel only just barely missing her as a piece of it's head dropped at her feet.

She turned in the direction the weapon fire had come from, finding herself looking directly into Kaidan's warm brown eyes from behind the visors on both of their helmets. "Thanks," she barely managed to get out when her voice almost refused to work.

"That was a stupid move, what were you thinking?" Kaidan chided her. Almost as if for a moment he forgot who the Commander was and his position in the chain.

If it wasn't for the look of _concern_ she could see in those eye's as they bore right into her, she may have been inclined to remind him. The retort caught in the back of her throat and instead she shrugged. "It worked didn't it? Bought you the time you needed to shut that thing off." She didn't give him a chance to respond as she moved to Ashley's position and started issuing orders again. "Right, let's get to that beacon and get the hell off this planet."

"No arguments here," Ashley agreed.

Kimberly had already reached the point where she was done with the day. Everything that could go wrong, had gone wrong and she wasn't looking forward to the mission debriefing with Anderson. She had lost one of her own team members and the turian spectre, a man whose back she had promised to cover. None of it was going to look good, not that she really cared about her record only about the lives that had been lost. The media was going to have a field day with what had happened to earth's most successful colony, she wasn't looking forward to that either. They could go to hell for all she cared.

The three of them cleared out the remaining geth without any further surprises, at least nothing noteworthy much to Shepard's relief. The beacon itself looked to be in one piece and where they had expected to find it. Although Ashley claimed it hadn't been active before, not like it was when they first came across it sitting on the docking platform. She only hoped the geth and the other spectre who appeared to be working with them didn't manage to pull anything useful from it.

As Shepard opened a comline to the Normandy so she could bring them up to date with the mission, Ashley remained nearby. Over her shoulder she could see Kaidan wondering around and then begin to approach the beacon with curiosity. Although his back was to her, she had seen his curious nature in response to several things on Eden Prime over the course of the day. She could imagine his wide open eyes as he took in the beacon, the thought was almost endearing.

That was when she realised the situation had changed. Kaidan was fighting against a force that she couldn't see as he was being pulled in towards the prothean device. Without giving it a second thought Kimberly snapped into action. She pushed past Ashley and ran straight for Kaidan. Her hands gripped around his waist as she pulled him with all the strength she could muster, as she felt the invisible force let go of him she almost tossed him out of the way. By then it was too late, whatever had a grip on Kaidan was pulling her closer and nothing she did, no matter how hard she fought against it she couldn't break free.

"Shepard!" Kaidan's voice sounded hollow and distanced.

"Kaidan no," Ashely responded. "It's too dangerous."

Pain shot through Shepard's head almost drowning out Ashley's words. It almost felt as if her _mind_ was on fire as images began flashing through it. She was only vaguely aware of the fact that her feet were no longer on the ground before everything went dark.


	6. Deceptions

His stomach clenched and coiled as he sat by her bed with his head dropped down and resting in his hands. He had long since pulled a chair over to relieve his legs after they had become numb from standing too long. The doctor suggested going and getting some sleep on several occasions, with the assurance that she would let him know if anything changed. Each time she tried, he declined. It was well into the early hours of the morning Kaidan knew that much but, he had no idea of the exact time. Most of the crew retired hours ago before, other than the few who remained on night watch.

Only he and Dr. Chakwas remained in the Normandy's medbay. The Doctor was diligent in her duties, checking Shepard's vital signs every hour. She monitored changes and ran scan after scan, most of which the details were well beyond Kaidan's comprehension. From what she had said there was _nothing_ wrong, at least nothing that showed up on any of the tests. An elevation in brain function but, nothing that should have prevented the Commander from waking. So why hadn't she?

His stomach clenched again, tighter than the previous times. From beside him he heard what sounded like a whimper coming from the bed. It was enough to have him raise his head and look at her. Light ripped right through his eyes, biting into his temples with a sudden burst of pain. He swallowed and drew in a sharp breath before focusing on slower steady breaths to push through the pain. Migraines weren't new to him but this one was worse than he had suffered in a while. With each breath the pain, caused by the steady throbbing that seemed to surge right across his forehead, subsided enough for his vision to clear.

His eyes fell to her face. Kimberly's eyelids were closed but fluttering wildly. Lines appeared across her forehead as it wrinkled into a frown. Right before her entire face shifted, contorting with pain. "Doctor," he said into the silent room, a hint of panic lacing his tone. "I think something is wrong, she doesn't look-," he paused for a moment as he bit back a grunt when pain shot in behind his eyes. "She doesn't look comfortable," he concluded through slightly gritted teeth.

"Either do you," the Doctor commented. Her eyebrows raised with concern as she moved over beside Shepard's bed. They flicked from Kaidan to the read outs on the monitors. "It appears she is dreaming, which is more than I can say for you," Karin chided as she turned her attention back to him.

"I'm fine," he mumbled under his breath. Not really convincingly, he sure didn't feel _that_ fine. His head was pounding like a jackhammer which just added to how bad he was feeling over Shepard laying on the bed to begin with.

"At least let me get you something for that migraine," she said knowingly.

"Yeah, alright," he responded begrudgingly. He was never one to complain, the pain and headaches had been a part of him for as long as he could remember. Possibly his entire life. It was the looks of concern his mother always gave him when he was unwell and the _pain_ in her expression because she couldn't stop his, that eventually had him learn how to hide it. He learned to bite back the complaints and behave as if he wasn't hurting. So that she wouldn't worry.

As the doctor moved away to organise some painkillers for him, Kaidan's attention turned back to Kimberly. Her face had smoothed out again, her eyelids remained still over her eyes. She looked almost peaceful and relaxed. He had noticed that she didn't look that way on duty, her entire stance changed to something more strained and tense.

The bed felt cool against his wrist as he reached across to find her fingers. Kaidan curled his own around her hand, his thumb brushed gently across her knuckles. Unlike the roughness felt on her fingers from hard work in the field, the back of her hand was smooth. It reminded him of how her bare back had felt, silky and smooth, under his fingertips. Broken only by the few scars that marred her, when he had explored his way along her spine.

His fingers trailed up her arm as he remembered the way her muscles had twitched and responded to his touches. They remained still and unmoving under the tips of his fingers as he reached her upper arm. He remembered the way he had coaxed soft moans and shudders from her lips when he had explored her more intimate places. A pleasant warmth spread throughout his stomach in response to those memories, replaced a moment later by guilt coiling through his veins. How could he be sitting there thinking about her in _that_ context, when she was unconscious on a medical bed?

"It's my fault you are here," he mumbled quietly as his fingers stilled but remained resting on her upper arm.

The doctor's voice startled him out of his thoughts and caused his hand to snap back. "Nonsense," she chided as she held out a glass of water and two pills for him. "You couldn't have known what would happen and if the Commander was awake, she would say the same thing herself."

He took the glass and watched as she dropped the pills into his outstretched hand. Popping them both into his mouth at the same time, Kaidan gulped them down with a mouthful of water before he proceeded to drink the remaining liquid from the glass. He handed the empty glass back to the doctor as he spoke. "An alien device, completely unknown and I had to go and let my curiosity get the better of me. If I didn't…" his voice trailed off. If he didn't walk over there then she wouldn't have jumped in to help him. "Why isn't she awake yet?"

Karin pressed her lips into a thin line as she appeared to be considering her response. "Honestly, I am not really sure. There is no damage showing on any of the scans, nothing physical at least. It is all guesswork at this point. Going by her brain activities I would say she has extra memories, or data to process from the beacon. I do know torturing yourself over this won't help anything and the Commander will wake when she is ready."

Kaidan let out a frustrated sigh although, his anger was more directed at himself then anything or anyone else. He should have been the one laying there on that bed, not her.

The seconds rolled into minutes, the minutes into hours as he remained by Kimberly's side. The more time to pass, the more his concern grew. What if she never woke up from whatever that thing did to her?

The doctor had given into the need for rest and set up a temporary cot in the back room for herself, so that she would still be close. Kaidan refused to let sleep take over completely, although he did find himself dozing in the chair from time to time. The painkillers had eased his migraine somewhat dulling the pain but, not the tension that pulled across his shoulders sending aches up along the back of his neck.

His attention was drawn to the increased activity in the officer's mess hall. It was the first real indication he had of just how much time had passed. Crew members were grabbing themselves a bite to eat for the morning before returning to their duty shift and Kaidan knew he should probably have been doing the same thing. He just couldn't bring himself to care if he missed a shift or, even care if he found himself in trouble for missing it.

He dropped his head forward until it rested on the side of her bed, one hand reached up so he could knead away the tension from his neck with his fingers. The edge of the bed felt pleasantly cool under his forehead. Every now and then he caught the faint scent of her, which made him realise that it must be a perfume she used regularly. It was the same scent he had smelled on her their night together, one that reminded him of sweet berries just freshly ripened and ready to be picked.

As more time passed the sounds and activities in the mess dissipated leaving a quiet lull over the medbay once more. He allowed his eyes to drift closed, forehead still resting on the edge of the bed. He must dropped off to sleep because the next thing he became aware of was a warm sensation against the back of his head followed by movement. Fingers that felt as if they were caressing his scalp. The sensation was soothing and almost tempted him to hold on to that groggy feeling and give into the call of sleep once more. Something in the back of his mind edged him towards wakefulness as it reminded him that he should be aware and more alert, that fingers caressing his scalp wasn't a normal sensation.

As soon as Kaidan shifted to stave off the fog of sleep, the warmth instantly vanished from the top of his head as she abruptly pulled her hand away.

He blinked as he lifted his head, awareness taking hold. "Shepard?"

She was laying there, propped up partly by pillows behind her head and back. Her deep blue eyes meet his gaze. "You look like shit," she commented with an amused tone before something else flickered through her eyes. Either he wasn't awake enough to read the expression properly or, she was hiding it from him so that he couldn't read her. "How long have you been here and how long was I out?"

"We have been back on the ship for about eighteen hours, I think," he responded purposely ignoring the other question. "How are you feeling?" he asked with genuine concern.

She shrugged and then winced, "Head hurts a little but, I'm fine."

Kaidan's stomach twisted as he watched her. The squinting of her eyes, the wince which repeated itself more than once and the involuntary flicker of her eyelids all suggested she was downplaying the pain that was evident. At least evident to someone who had suffered migraines for most of his life. "I'm sorry…" he started and then stumbled, uncertain of what else he could add that would make up for his mistake.

Her eyes narrowed and bore right into his, "For what?"

"I should have known better then to approach an unknown object like that. If I had just stayed away then none of this would have happened." He dropped his eyes away from her gaze as he looked down at the side of the bed. At least he had been given the opportunity to apologize, that was something. Kaidan was well aware that the outcome could have been far worse.

He heard the creak of the medical bed as she shifted and became aware of that sweet scent of berries as it taunted his nose. A hand shot out and grasped his wrist, her fingers wrapping around him. "Look at me," she said firmly, with a tone that demanded attention.

Kaidan raised his eyes, he swallowed hard as he realised she had leaned forward and was only inches from his face. Her deep blue eyes peered right into his and held an intensity to them that he couldn't make sense of. Especially not while his heart was thumping so hard in his chest. She was close enough that when she exhaled, he could feel her warm breath spread across his lips.

"You had no way of knowing what would happen," she said. Although her voice was calm but firm, the biting of her fingernails as they dug into his wrist gave away the mask she was obviously trying so hard to keep in place. "Never feel guilty for what is beyond your control. Ever. Do you hear me?"

"Commander-," he started, intending to protest.

She cut him off quickly, her fingernails pressed harder into his skin, "No matter what happened or what happens from here on out. There are things you can't control, things that you can't possibly predict. Guilt eats away at you a little a time until there is nothing left. Don't let it."

Abruptly she released his arm as she moved back to the pillows. The suddenness left him stunned and confused, that was until a deep voice spoke from behind his back.

"Commander, I am glad to see you are awake again," Captain Anderson said as he moved in beside Kaidan's chair.

The previous intensity in Kimberly's eyes had vanished, leaving them clear and calm as she turned her attention to Captain Anderson. "Thank you Sir," she responded.

Kaidan wasn't as quick to recover, his head was still reeling both from her recent closeness and his need to figure out the meaning behind her words. Or rather her actions and the hidden fierceness behind them. "If you will both excuse me, I really should be going," he said as his voice finally returned to him.

His legs were somewhat unsteady as he stood up from the chair to take his leave. Both from sitting for so many hours in the one place and from lack of sleep. The Captain gave him a short nod of acknowledgement. Kimberly's eyes, he noticed, lingered a little longer as she appeared to be assessing his current state.

"Make sure you take the time to get some sleep Lieutenant," she said just as he neared the door to the medbay. It was issued more as an order but, he thought he heard a softness to her tone. Or perhaps he just wanted to hear it and it never existed at all.

A growl of protest from his empty stomach helped him decide that grabbing a bite to eat first was probably the best plan. He hadn't eaten since before the mission. Once in the mess hall he glanced down at his wrist, red marks marred his skin from where her nails had been. Kaidan found his eyes traveling to the medbay window as he watched her standing there talking to the Captain. Her reaction and the intensity that had been behind her gaze, had been extreme. He was almost certain secrets hid behind her otherwise calm exterior, now more than ever. It was a hidden pain and the thought of that made his gut twist into a knot. Every so often during the mission he had caught a glimpse of her, the spark of life that for the most part wasn't there but probably should have been. The thought of her suffering for any reason tugged at something inside him. A protectiveness that he had thought was lost to him a long time before.

* * *

After watching Kaidan's retreating back as he left the medbay she turned her attention to the Captain. Considering the Eden Prime mission and all that took place, she knew there would be a lot to discuss with the Captain. Questions that he would need answered directly from her no matter what reports had already been given. At least her head wasn't aching nearly as much as it was when she first opened her eyes.

"It sounds like you had an interesting day yesterday," the Captain remarked.

"Interesting is not exactly how I would describe it Sir," she responded with a hint of sarcasm to her tone.

"No, I suppose not." He looked at her pointedly as if trying to assess something for himself, most likely her current state of health. "How are you feeling?" he finally asked.

"A little headache but nothing too serious," she replied. To prove her point she swung her legs over the side of the bed and then planted her feet firmly on the ground as she stood up.

Anderson nodded as if he was satisfied by the response and then folded his arms as he leant up against the bed that was behind him. "According to the ground team, the beacon exploded after your contact with it. Did you get anything useful from it?"

"Nothing clear, just images, war, destruction, death, all of it somewhat disturbing. Very disturbing actually. I think it was some kind of warning, I'm just not sure _what_ it was warning us about." Even hours later she could still see those images clearly in her mind but, they were all jumbled and out of order. Nothing about them looked good, it was more like something nightmares were made from.

"We are on the way to the Citadel to speak with the Council. Are you certain a turian spectre by the name of Saren was responsible for Nihilus' death?" he asked pointedly. "The council is not going to like this accusation."

"I am certain but, what are the chances they will actually listen?" she asked with an almost bitter tone. She hated the politics almost as much as the media. Shepard wasn't a fool, they had no proof beyond the words of a thieving dockworker. She knew the council wasn't likely to just take them at their word, not when it came to something as serious as accusing one of their spectre's of miss-conduct.

"We are going to have to make them listen," he responded firmly. "Have you given any more thought to what we discussed before Eden Prime?"

Shepard looked away as she resisted the urge to bite her lower lip. At first she had thought the decision was a simple one, tell the council where they could shove their offer because she wanted no part of even more attention being drawn her way. With Eden Prime, the beacon and all the things it had shown her and then one other factor that she hadn't wanted to consider, it had become far more complicated. She still didn't want to consider the other factor, not really but, her eyes had a mind of their own as they trailed towards the window to look at where Kaidan was preparing himself something to eat.

She pressed her lips together hard, until they were barely more than a thin, almost white line. If the images were of things to come as she believed them to be, a warning of something more powerful than any of them has ever faced before, could she really turn away from that? Could she leave officers like Kaidan to deal with the problem while she ignored it, to do what? Have a life in a universe that was falling apart around her?

Finally she pulled her eyes away from Kaidan to look back at Anderson. "If the council decides to make me the first human spectre, I won't turn them down."

"And if they don't?" he prodded.

"Then I guess the Alliance is going to have to deal with me for a while longer," she responded in a tone that was as even and calm as she could manage.

Anderson's sigh of relief wasn't lost on her. "You have no idea how glad I am to hear that. I doubt anyone else would even come close to drawing spectre attention their way. No human at least."

Kimberly remained quiet for a moment as she studied Anderson closely. She noticed the longer she studied him, the more uncomfortable he appeared to be. As if he didn't want her to figure something out but, it was too late for that. She had seen Anderson watching her as she watched Kaidan. "You assigned him to the Normandy, to _my_ ground team on purpose. Didn't you?" her voice held a tone of accusation.

"I hand picked every member of the Normandy team," he responded in an attempt to deflect her.

"That's not what I mean and you know it," she growled.

He drew in a deep breath and exhaled, she knew it was one of his tells for when he was relenting and the confession that would come next. "Yes, I assigned him to you on purpose."

"Do you even have the slightest idea of what you have done? What you have _unleashed_?" she threw at him with her voice raised.

"You may not see it yet but, I still believe it was the right call. I think in time you will as well," he replied. There was the slightest hint of a shake to his voice that told Kimberly he wasn't as calm as he was making himself out to be.

"Why? Why put _him_ through this? When he finds out.." her voice trailed off. She knew her point was across without finishing her statement.

"He won't unless you tell him. Those files are classified," he explained.

"I would never have picked you as one for deception, not amidst your own crew," she said with a slight shake of her head.

"It may surprise you to know that there is a lot about me you don't know," Anderson said as he dropped his arms to his side and stood up straight. He paused just as he was about to leave and spoke again without quite meeting her eyes. "I hope you both enjoyed your last night on Arcturus before we left. Not all deception is bad, sometimes it has a greater purpose."

Kimberly was certain her jaw must have dropped to the ground, or close to it. How and more to the point why would he even know that? To know she was being so _closely_ watched was almost… creepy. Before she could even say anything in response, he had already slipped out of the door to the medbay and was half way towards the stairs leading to the CiC.

 _What the fuck._


End file.
